I hear no a lot. No, that's not in scope for this story. No, it's not worth fixing that now. No, that's not risky enough for you to spend time testing. Hearing no on a good day sparks my creativity and pushes me into more valuable directions. On a bad day, it makes me wonder why I should keep going.
Saying no in a good way takes practice. I've honed this skill with wisdom from some of the best. Elisabeth Hendrickson tweeted a list of some of the different ways she has of saying no. It reminded me that the sassy replies I send to recruiters and speaking engagements in which I have no interest or connection. If you're looking for a style that builds bridges rather than burns them down, I'd recommend Elisabeth's Hendrickson's examples, not mine.
At Let's Test in Sweden in 2016, Fiona Charles gave a workshop on Learning to Say No. We practiced different ways to say no, complete with supporting arguments and steadfast determination tailored to the real-life situations participants brought to the workshop. (In a demonstration of having embraced the message of the workshop, we disbanded halfway through the allotted time. I spent the rest of the afternoon on a memorable bike ride along the Swedish coast.) The strongest revelation from the group was: we have more power than we think we do. There may be consequences to saying no, refusing a particular task, or turning down an opportunity, but it's often within our power to do so. Saying no effectively makes room you to decide how to spend your time.
At Agile Testing Days in 2018, Liz Keogh gave a keynote on how to tell people they failed (and make them feel great) that culminated in a surprising conclusion: don't. Don't tell people they failed. Use positive reinforcement to encourage the behaviors you want to see, and the others will fall away.
We had a tester leave the company recently. They'd set goals with their manager that directly opposed the test strategy I helped them shape. Bugs they reported were shot down, postponed until future stories, or grouped together as issues to be fixed eventually someday. They were facing a lot of "no," and as far as I could see from a different team, not a lot of yes. How long would you last in this situation?
I also have a tester reporting to me at the moment. They've been catching tricky things, find bugs, and preventing problems. I want them to keep doing what they're doing. I get that a developer's first reaction when they hear about a bug might not be "Oh wow, thank you so much for this pile of questions and work!" I have to give them that positive reinforcement so they keep reporting and digging into issues, so I call it out in their 1-on-1. They thank me, and says it keeps them going.
Don't shoot the messenger. Praise the messenger.
Tired: Don't shoot the messenger.— Elizabeth Zagroba (@ezagroba) June 11, 2021
Wired: Encourage and support the messenger, so they are motivated to keep bringing you messages.
Who are you saying no to frequently? Is your no driving them away, or encouraging them? Do you need to say no?